When people around you are overstepping your boundaries and making your life stressed and unbearable, you have to speak up. The conversations may be difficult but having them is the only way to resolve these situations. One thing is certain. The longer you delay, the more difficult the conversations will be.

Sometimes you have to step back from relationships with colleagues and take time to sort out communication problem before you can work effectively together. It means slowing down now so you can go faster in the future.

It is easy to talk when the topic is not sensitive, when the other person is not defensive and when you are not feeling threatened. The three ideas in this article will help you plan difficult conversations so you can step up to them with confidence.

Learn how to speak up about things that trouble you. If you do not, problems continue unresolved, communication suffers and as you become more stressed about the situation, the relationship deteriorates.

We often use politeness to smooth over tricky interactions with others. We forget that it interferes with effective communication and destroys honesty, openness and trust in our relationships.

The thought of confrontation is scary for most people so we often delay holding difficult conversations. Unfortunately, the longer a conversation is delayed, the more difficult and confrontational it is likely to be.

Of the many difficult conversations that managers face, reviewing performance with an employee should be fairly straight forward. But as every manager knows, that is not the case. Performance appraisal goes off the rails when the facts of the matter are not handled correctly.

Many organisations have detailed processes and documentation for managers to use when they carry out appraisal interviews. Often it is computerized. It looks elegant and efficient. But development of people takes more than paperwork and software. It is the quality of the conversations between manager and employee that makes all the difference.

Many people think that talking tough means using an authoritarian management style, pointing out problems and telling people how to fix them. In reality, that management style is not nearly as tough as holding someone to account for their performance by asking them to commit to action to improve it.

When managers hold performance reviews, they tend to talk more than they listen. They say employees gain by sharing in their experience and views. But listening to what employees have to say contributes to their personal development as well as virtually guaranteeing commitment to better solutions.